Today would have been my Dad's 82 birthday and I so badly miss him. When I start getting sad about him not being with us; I have become an expert and pushing the thought from my mind or replacing it with how happy I am that he is with Jesus and not in pain anymore - which I am, but I miss him.
My dad was not a perfect man, he had his faults just like we all do, but he was an awesome Dad to me and someone that I looked up to and respected more than I could even try to put into words. He loved all of us so much and wow did he love my mom. He wasn't a mushy mushy gushy man with his love (although he did have some of that to share with us too), he showed his love in all that he did; he told us too, but he was a man of actions and that is where his love shone for all of us. If he could fix something for us, grow a huge garden to share, or share his knowledge in any way possible - that made him happy. I think that is why getting sick and weak and unable to "do" like he wanted got him down so much. He NEEDED to DO; that was who he was. He gave us a beautiful home to grow up in; but it was his and Mom's love that made it that home, not the brick, wood and mortar; just their love first for God which they showed us in their lives without having to even say it; their love for each other and their love for us kids; that is what made it home for me. I knew no matter where I moved; where my life took me, even when I stumbled in my walk with God and disappointed them; no matter how old I got; and, not even when they moved from the "home" I grew up in to three different houses, home was with them - love was with them. Their door was always open, just like their hearts and arms.
I miss my Dad. I just wanted to share something to honor him today. After all it's his birthday and I want to celebrate with him and since I can't do that, I will just share a little something to celebrate him. Happy Birthday Dad; I love you. I miss you. I know one day we will be sharing another "home" together.
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sunday, October 18, 2009
~ Its been a week ~
Okay, its been a week.
Went to church with my Mom today, didn't think it would be as hard as it was.
My Dad wasn't there. I couldn't hear him singing. I didn't get to feel his hand graze my shoulder as he draped his arm across Mom's shoulder during service while I sat beside her. I didn't get to see him reach over and hold her hand as the pastor began to pray. I didn't get share Sunday dinner with him. I cried all through church, couldn't help it. I miss my Dad so much.
Its not that I'm not glad to know Dad is in a better place. I just miss him. That's all.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Rest Sweet Father
My sweet, wonderful, awesome, strong, loving, loved, adored, God fearing, God loving, inspiring, my rock, my role model, my blessing, the one who showed me Jesus everyday of his life, FATHER, passed away today.
It just don't seem right writing that. We were just so sure that he would make it through this and be home soon, playing with his dogs, cat, riding his tractor, getting ready for hunting season, thinking about his garden next summer, playing, living, breathing, sleeping, talking, walking and even arguing (some) with us for several more years.
I know he's with Jesus and that is my comfort. But I am human, I am flawed, I am jealous. I want my Dad here, alive and healthy.
He was loved, he loved, he was my father, he is my father. I will miss him.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Dad 10-7-09
The ultrasound showed no vascular problems to his extremities. Thank goodness.
The fluid in his chest is responding well to the breathing treatments.
They are continuing to wean him from ventilator.
They are still working on getting the fluid off of him.
The dialysis has been working well, but they may discontinue it for a little bit to see how he does. As the toxins have left his body, he is beginning to feel more pain unfortunately, or is it fortunately, it is a double sided sword.
Eventually, they will move him from CICU to a rehab unit, not sure when that will be yet.
Thank you for your prayers for my father on his long road to recovery.
The fluid in his chest is responding well to the breathing treatments.
They are continuing to wean him from ventilator.
They are still working on getting the fluid off of him.
The dialysis has been working well, but they may discontinue it for a little bit to see how he does. As the toxins have left his body, he is beginning to feel more pain unfortunately, or is it fortunately, it is a double sided sword.
Eventually, they will move him from CICU to a rehab unit, not sure when that will be yet.
Thank you for your prayers for my father on his long road to recovery.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
DAD 10-6-09
Thank you all for your continued prayers for my dad and my family. We all appreciate it very much.
Just wanted to give an update for all who are keeping track of Dad's progress. They are trying to wean Dad off of his ventilator. They turned it down to C-Pap level yesterday for several hours and he did well with that, they will continue working on this weaning until Dad is on oxygen only. His problem with the fluid in his chest is better, breathing treatments are continuing to help.
He will remain on dialysis for now because his kidneys continue to need this help, they may put a port in, but would still be a temporary thing. Today they are going to ultrasound his extremities to rule out any vascular problems there because he has been unable to move his hands, legs, and arms (although he did lift his right arm a little for me one time). They feel fairly certain his inability to move his extremities is due to the extra fluid he is carrying there (he has between 40-50 lbs of fluid on him now - that is a lot to try to lift when you are as weak as he is!).
Dad is still having pain and they are really good about trying to ease his pain. His nurses have all been great, we have even gotten attached to a few of them and they with us.
When I started this blog a year or so ago, it was just for silliness and fun, I never thought I would be using it in such a resourceful way, but there are alot of friends and family we (the family) want to call individually and let know about Dad because we know they want to know and have asked to be updated, and sometimes it is difficult to make these calls, so I am glad this "blog thing" has come into a better use than just the silliness and fun it has been for in the past.
Thank you again for all who are continuing to remember my Dad and my family in your prayers. God is truly an awesome God.
Just wanted to give an update for all who are keeping track of Dad's progress. They are trying to wean Dad off of his ventilator. They turned it down to C-Pap level yesterday for several hours and he did well with that, they will continue working on this weaning until Dad is on oxygen only. His problem with the fluid in his chest is better, breathing treatments are continuing to help.
He will remain on dialysis for now because his kidneys continue to need this help, they may put a port in, but would still be a temporary thing. Today they are going to ultrasound his extremities to rule out any vascular problems there because he has been unable to move his hands, legs, and arms (although he did lift his right arm a little for me one time). They feel fairly certain his inability to move his extremities is due to the extra fluid he is carrying there (he has between 40-50 lbs of fluid on him now - that is a lot to try to lift when you are as weak as he is!).
Dad is still having pain and they are really good about trying to ease his pain. His nurses have all been great, we have even gotten attached to a few of them and they with us.
When I started this blog a year or so ago, it was just for silliness and fun, I never thought I would be using it in such a resourceful way, but there are alot of friends and family we (the family) want to call individually and let know about Dad because we know they want to know and have asked to be updated, and sometimes it is difficult to make these calls, so I am glad this "blog thing" has come into a better use than just the silliness and fun it has been for in the past.
Thank you again for all who are continuing to remember my Dad and my family in your prayers. God is truly an awesome God.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Dad 10-4-09
I am home from the weekend with my Dad and Mom at Vanderbilt Hospital. I went Friday at 3:00 PM and Mary came this afternoon and took my place.
Dad is improving in so many ways, but everyday is a new day and a new problem to worry about. He is conscious and is responding still but no more than with his eyes and his feet. He did move his right arm, but not his hands. He moves his lips and we can't read them. This is so frustrating for all of us. If he could move his hands, he could at least write out what he wants to say. He is still on a ventilator through his tracheotomy - this is not permanent, but it will be there for a while, a least another week, maybe more. His kidneys were working and put putting out a good amount with good color, BUT they were not clearing his toxins, which can cause you to be unresponsive, so they have put him on dialysis. Slow and gentle - also not permanent, not yet. This is to clear out the toxins and bad stuff that he was not doing on his own. Once the dialysis started, his blood platelets dropped, meaning his blood thinned, way to thin, and his wounds started oozing blood, so they are having to figure out how to deal with this without giving him platelets, because that could cause him to clot, which could block the stent they just put in because of the heart attack after his surgery. Does any of this exhaust you yet? It is exhausting and Dad is so tired.
Now, just got a call from Mary. Dad has fluid in his lungs and they have started breathing treatment. I don't know how they do that when he is on a ventilator and a trach. They have told us pneumonia would be fatal to Dad.
I am not sure what all Dad understands about what is going on around him. We all take our turns talking to him and we just want so bad for him to be able to talk back.
This is my Dad, just wanted you all to have a visual of who you were praying for. This my Mom, she has been great, and I know its because of the prayers. Keep em coming, the battle's not over.
Dad is improving in so many ways, but everyday is a new day and a new problem to worry about. He is conscious and is responding still but no more than with his eyes and his feet. He did move his right arm, but not his hands. He moves his lips and we can't read them. This is so frustrating for all of us. If he could move his hands, he could at least write out what he wants to say. He is still on a ventilator through his tracheotomy - this is not permanent, but it will be there for a while, a least another week, maybe more. His kidneys were working and put putting out a good amount with good color, BUT they were not clearing his toxins, which can cause you to be unresponsive, so they have put him on dialysis. Slow and gentle - also not permanent, not yet. This is to clear out the toxins and bad stuff that he was not doing on his own. Once the dialysis started, his blood platelets dropped, meaning his blood thinned, way to thin, and his wounds started oozing blood, so they are having to figure out how to deal with this without giving him platelets, because that could cause him to clot, which could block the stent they just put in because of the heart attack after his surgery. Does any of this exhaust you yet? It is exhausting and Dad is so tired.
Now, just got a call from Mary. Dad has fluid in his lungs and they have started breathing treatment. I don't know how they do that when he is on a ventilator and a trach. They have told us pneumonia would be fatal to Dad.
I am not sure what all Dad understands about what is going on around him. We all take our turns talking to him and we just want so bad for him to be able to talk back.
This is my Dad, just wanted you all to have a visual of who you were praying for. This my Mom, she has been great, and I know its because of the prayers. Keep em coming, the battle's not over.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Daddy is wiggling his toes!
Dad is responding. He is blinking his eyes in response to questions and he has wiggled his toes when asked. I just got the call and I have sat here for five minutes laughing and crying. Hallelujah and again Hallelujah!
Dad Update
Dad's been taking breaths on his own in addition to the ventilator; and his organs have shown signed of improvement. He is supposed to get a tracheotomy today, so his airway tubing will be in his throat not his mouth as it is now. This was agitating him. He swallowed yesterday which is a good sign. He has his feeding tube in. He is still at high risk for infection. They are still very concerned about him neurologically - need him to be more responsive.
Still can't talk to us. They had about 15 IV bags of medicines at the beginning and they are down to 4 at last count.
Thank you for your continued prayers.
Still can't talk to us. They had about 15 IV bags of medicines at the beginning and they are down to 4 at last count.
Thank you for your continued prayers.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
MY DAD
The CT on dad's brain was normal. Praises and exaltation to our Lord Jesus!
I drove to Vanderbilt yesterday afternoon after spending a teary morning in my office worrying about Dad. My boss came in around 1:00 PM, heard what was going on and said come on Velda, we are leaving, me to lunch and you to the hospital to be with your Mom and Dad. He has been very good about my time off and I appreciate it very much. I was about 45 minutes into my trip and I got covered with absolute peace. I knew I was going to hear positive news and I was not disappointed. They are still worried about his lack of responses, but it may just take time. There is a new worry every day with Dad.
I was able to take Mom to her home last night and stayed the night with her. Mary stayed at hospital and Tim is bringing Mom back to hospital this afternoon. She needed a break. Hoping Mary will go home tonight and allow and trust Tim to take over as "watch dog and protector" of both Mom and Dad. She needs a break too. We are all taking our times and have a tentative schedule to take turns ...
I drove to Vanderbilt yesterday afternoon after spending a teary morning in my office worrying about Dad. My boss came in around 1:00 PM, heard what was going on and said come on Velda, we are leaving, me to lunch and you to the hospital to be with your Mom and Dad. He has been very good about my time off and I appreciate it very much. I was about 45 minutes into my trip and I got covered with absolute peace. I knew I was going to hear positive news and I was not disappointed. They are still worried about his lack of responses, but it may just take time. There is a new worry every day with Dad.
I was able to take Mom to her home last night and stayed the night with her. Mary stayed at hospital and Tim is bringing Mom back to hospital this afternoon. She needed a break. Hoping Mary will go home tonight and allow and trust Tim to take over as "watch dog and protector" of both Mom and Dad. She needs a break too. We are all taking our times and have a tentative schedule to take turns ...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
DAD
They are going to do a CT scan on Dad today on his brain. They are checking for brain activity.
They have had to put him on another sedative because he is moving his head back and forth a lot and they are afraid this will dislodge his air tube. They just want him to be calmer than what he has been.
They put in a second feeding tube, but it had to come out and they are now going to feed him through an IV, but will try the feeding tube again later.
Mary and Mom have been talking to Dad and they both feel that they have gotten responses from Dad, but his team of doctors want to see more response than what they have.
This is what they are most concerned about now - his brain activity.
I don’t know how to pray any harder than I have.
They have had to put him on another sedative because he is moving his head back and forth a lot and they are afraid this will dislodge his air tube. They just want him to be calmer than what he has been.
They put in a second feeding tube, but it had to come out and they are now going to feed him through an IV, but will try the feeding tube again later.
Mary and Mom have been talking to Dad and they both feel that they have gotten responses from Dad, but his team of doctors want to see more response than what they have.
This is what they are most concerned about now - his brain activity.
I don’t know how to pray any harder than I have.
Monday, September 28, 2009
~ Update on Dad ~
They put a feeding tube in last night, but had to remove it because it was crimped; they will redo it later today; they are still trying to wean off more medicine; he is off sedation and are trying to get him to come around to consciousness; and respond to them (i.e., squeeze fingers, etc.) He is at high risk for infection; and they are worried about possible brain damage due to low oxygen for a while during surgery and heart attack. We are trusting in God as always on all of this as we have from the beginning. He (God) has been wowing Dad's medical team in these last few days because there was a point, when they bluntly told us, they had done all they could do and it was in God's hands now. But as I have said previously, that's where he's always been. Praise God. He is still in CICU and may be for several more days, still critical, but improving. His medical team has been amazing, informative and has made me appreciate them and Vanderbilt even more.
My sister and Mom are at the hospital alone now. I am at work. I plan to go back one day this week and then back to stay Friday through Sunday, unless something takes me back sooner. My brother is going to stay with Mom on Thurs and Friday, as Mary needs to work. We are all doing well, exhausted but good. Mom has been amazing, she has broke down a few times, but that is expected. She has been sleeping in Dad's room (they have a chair that lets out into a full flat bed which she says is fairly comfy) she says she has been sleeping well, but Mary is going to try to get her out for at least one night soon. We are trying to get a room at hospitality house, hopefully that will happen today or tomorrow.
Thank you all for your prayers. If you are continuing to pray, the doctor are most worred about his risk of infection and the possibility of brain damage.
Hope you are yours are all doing well too. I love you guys.
My sister and Mom are at the hospital alone now. I am at work. I plan to go back one day this week and then back to stay Friday through Sunday, unless something takes me back sooner. My brother is going to stay with Mom on Thurs and Friday, as Mary needs to work. We are all doing well, exhausted but good. Mom has been amazing, she has broke down a few times, but that is expected. She has been sleeping in Dad's room (they have a chair that lets out into a full flat bed which she says is fairly comfy) she says she has been sleeping well, but Mary is going to try to get her out for at least one night soon. We are trying to get a room at hospitality house, hopefully that will happen today or tomorrow.
Thank you all for your prayers. If you are continuing to pray, the doctor are most worred about his risk of infection and the possibility of brain damage.
Hope you are yours are all doing well too. I love you guys.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Just from Me
Sitting in the CICU waiting room. Can't sleep. People laid up all around me trying or succeeding in sleep. Musical snoring in competition with each other ... body odor too, wait is that me?
Dad still not doing well. They have paralyzed him, hoping to give his body a rest and give his heart a chance to heal some. They are not acting very hopeful at this time, but it's in God's hands, always has been.
Dad still not doing well. They have paralyzed him, hoping to give his body a rest and give his heart a chance to heal some. They are not acting very hopeful at this time, but it's in God's hands, always has been.
Got on FB and was nice to see my friends and get caught up on the tidbits posted there. Ahh life goes on outside of this hospital. We get so consumed with our own little worlds sometimes .... ya know?
Was in the dining room earlier, saw a rat scamper up to the doorway, make a couple of quick passes and then disappear along the wall of the patio outside.
I've worn the same jeans for 3 days now. I may never wear them again.
Raining and dreary here.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
~ FILLED ~
Traveling to Vanderbilt on Tuesday night after work I had the most awesome experience driving up I65. We were both traveling in silence consumed with our own thoughts, worries, etc. when I was suddenly filled with an awesome emotion, can't even explain it, it was quite overwhelming, I got chills all over, when suddenly I knew, that both me and my family were being prayed for by several people, maybe not together, but at that particular moment in time prayers were being offered and answered, I was being showered in prayers, I just knew it. If I had had the luxery of time, I would have pulled over and just wallowed in the feeling; I would have probably been glowing when I walked into Dad's room if I had done so.
Bear with me .... but it brought to my mind this song ...
Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place
I can feel His mighty power and His Love
I can hear the brush of angels wings, I see glory in each face,
Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place
I think I still have a little angel dust on my shoes ...
Bear with me .... but it brought to my mind this song ...
Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place
I can feel His mighty power and His Love
I can hear the brush of angels wings, I see glory in each face,
Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place
I think I still have a little angel dust on my shoes ...
Wowed even now
Psalms 139; 17-18
How precious are thy thoughts unto me O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand...
Wow, just Wow.
I've been sitting in Dad's CICU room reading scripture out loud to my mom and even in our moments of worry and anxiousness, He has opened my eyes to something new in my favorite Psalms. I've read it, just not focused on those verses before ... HIS thoughts of us; of me; of my dad ... are more in number than the sand.
Just read it again and be wowed with me, or is it just me?
How precious are thy thoughts unto me O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand...
Wow, just Wow.
I've been sitting in Dad's CICU room reading scripture out loud to my mom and even in our moments of worry and anxiousness, He has opened my eyes to something new in my favorite Psalms. I've read it, just not focused on those verses before ... HIS thoughts of us; of me; of my dad ... are more in number than the sand.
Just read it again and be wowed with me, or is it just me?
Monday, July 20, 2009
~ An afternoon spent with women ... ~
I had the absolute delight to spend Sunday afternoon sitting at my mother’s kitchen table, sipping iced tea and visiting with five women (six, if you include myself); ages ranging from 48 (me) to 80 (my mom). I can’t remember when I have so enjoyed just sitting and talking and laughing with women in such a long time. (Well there was Red Rooster weekend.) We sat there for hours and carried our conversations from our children and grandchildren, to talking about the church, to talking about our relatives, our ailments, our surgeries, our husbands, funny stories, sad stories, all old times and new. We were all laughing so much Dad’s home health nurse even came in and joined in on the fun for a while.
Of course, Dad was at the height of an almost perfect Sunday afternoon himself; he had a living room full of men; all there just to spend time with him and swap stories, some true and some untrue I’m sure …
As I sat there enjoying myself; I knew I had to leave, I still had too many things I had to accomplish before the day was over; but hating to leave this group of awesome women and ending this “moment”; because it truly was a “moment” in time for me, something special and out of the ordinary for me to be able to sit there with these women, these wonderful awesome beautiful amazing strong courageous funny witty intelligent fabulous spiritual and loving women; I wanted to suspend time and make it go on just a while longer, I hadn’t absorbed enough of them.
Sadly, our time was over, but it was a truly wonderful afternoon; one that I am still hugging to myself today.
I hope you all have these experiences too. I, obviously, don't have enough of them.
Of course, Dad was at the height of an almost perfect Sunday afternoon himself; he had a living room full of men; all there just to spend time with him and swap stories, some true and some untrue I’m sure …
As I sat there enjoying myself; I knew I had to leave, I still had too many things I had to accomplish before the day was over; but hating to leave this group of awesome women and ending this “moment”; because it truly was a “moment” in time for me, something special and out of the ordinary for me to be able to sit there with these women, these wonderful awesome beautiful amazing strong courageous funny witty intelligent fabulous spiritual and loving women; I wanted to suspend time and make it go on just a while longer, I hadn’t absorbed enough of them.
Sadly, our time was over, but it was a truly wonderful afternoon; one that I am still hugging to myself today.
I hope you all have these experiences too. I, obviously, don't have enough of them.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
~ Blessings ~
Wow, isn't God wonderful! Since most of you who read this either got an email from me or is on Facebook and saw my post, so I won't reiterate what I have already said on those. I will only say that Dad is still doing well, in ICU, breathing tube out, sitting up and talking. PTL!
Of course, what is a tense and stressful situation without a little humor ... so here it is ...
I stayed the night with Mom at the hospital last night, we stayed in the ICU waiting room, which is actually pretty nice, it has recliners, big screen TVs, computers with Internet access (for email only though), a break room, nice bathroom, and showers (they provided towels, shampoo, bath jel, blow dryers), plus they give you blankets and pillows to stay they night (you actually can't bring your own, they have to be theirs because they are fire retardant), so that is all nice. For overnight you are assigned a recliner, in case they have to come get you for any reason, they will know exactly which recliner to go to.
My recliner wouldn't stay reclined, but oh well, at least it wasn't a straight back uncomfortable chair. The unfortunate and embarrassing part of this story is that at some point I after I fell asleep, I woke myself up "breaking wind" (and unfortunate for me it was rather loud - that is probably what woke me up... ) in a room full of people ... and yes, I heard snickers ... I had to fake sleep forever before I could even move! Talk about embarrassment ... Argghhh!
Oh well, we were a room full of exhausted people with loved ones in ICU, I hope it gave them something to smile about and take their minds off of their troubles even if only for a few minutes.
Thank you for for the love and prayers. Thank you God for the answered prayers!
Of course, what is a tense and stressful situation without a little humor ... so here it is ...
I stayed the night with Mom at the hospital last night, we stayed in the ICU waiting room, which is actually pretty nice, it has recliners, big screen TVs, computers with Internet access (for email only though), a break room, nice bathroom, and showers (they provided towels, shampoo, bath jel, blow dryers), plus they give you blankets and pillows to stay they night (you actually can't bring your own, they have to be theirs because they are fire retardant), so that is all nice. For overnight you are assigned a recliner, in case they have to come get you for any reason, they will know exactly which recliner to go to.
My recliner wouldn't stay reclined, but oh well, at least it wasn't a straight back uncomfortable chair. The unfortunate and embarrassing part of this story is that at some point I after I fell asleep, I woke myself up "breaking wind" (and unfortunate for me it was rather loud - that is probably what woke me up... ) in a room full of people ... and yes, I heard snickers ... I had to fake sleep forever before I could even move! Talk about embarrassment ... Argghhh!
Oh well, we were a room full of exhausted people with loved ones in ICU, I hope it gave them something to smile about and take their minds off of their troubles even if only for a few minutes.
Thank you for for the love and prayers. Thank you God for the answered prayers!
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