While I sit idle ...

While I sit idle …

 

I used to go to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) a weekly (using the school calendar – so no summers or holidays) international Bible study for women.  They do a series, every year a different study for I think 8 different in-depth studies.  I loved it.  I went with a friend – which helped me remain faithful …  I completed all of the studies – 8 years?

The leader at the time was Suzanne Matthews.  She was awesome and always enjoyable to hear and so well prepared.

Its been years since I went – I was looking up BSF on the internet to see if there were new classes available and saw a link which included her name.  She apparently no longer leads BSF, but has gone on to become an author, artist (took multiple art classes and now sells her art), she speaks at retreats, etc., and writes a blog, I haven’t read her full blog, just a little info on her, but it is at this link:   http://ctandthee.com/

 

As I read about her life changes, I was excited for her and her accomplishments, but then felt, wow, what have I done?

I have lots “to do” projects and ideas, I could create art and sell it – probably... maybe, my writing is not bad, but I have no desire for that, but I have lots of other ideas that I just don’t push forward on.

 

I have watched more TV in the past 3 years, than I have in my entire life. I have become a couch potato.  I could take 2 hour naps every Sat and Sun; I could stay in my PJs until noon, getting my house cleaned in a major productive day for me.  Ugh! I feel like a slug.

 

At any rate, I have got to get up off of my couch, and get back involved in some activities, so first, I want to get involved in a Bible Study and it just so happens BSF does have a new study this year on Revelations, so I have sent an email and requested to start the class this fall or be put on the waiting list at least.

Anyone want to join me???  Tuesday nights at 6:30 PM – see below:

Southside Baptist Church

209 Marsheutz Ave

Huntsville AL 35801

Meeting day/time: Tuesday 6:25PM

Class type: Evening Women

Class name: HUNTSVILLE AL EW

 

Here is the link to BSF:  https://www.bsfinternational.org/bsf-home

 

I would love to have my friends join me!

Sunday church

So, I went to church with my niece this past Sunday.

 

Great service. 

 

And, I was prophesied over, at least I think it would be considered prophesied over … here is what happened. 

 

It was the end of the service, the pastor was walking around the congregation ending his sermon and he had already spoken to a couple of other people there, and really, I had already seen him zeroing in on me while he was giving his sermon and when he began walking through the congregation, my seat immediately got uncomfortable, I just knew he was coming my way.  It took a couple of stops, but yes, here he came … I wish I could remember all that he said, because even though it was embarrassing to be zeroed in on while visiting your niece’s church, what he said was really quite beautiful …  it was something like …. God wants me to be restored from past hurts, he wants me to know that even though man has let me down, the He, God, will  not let  me down, He wants me to believe in Him and to give him a chance; that God loves me; and more stuff that I can’t remember. 

 

Okay, yes it was embarrassing, somewhat, my face burned pink some, but at the same time, it seemed sincere and I took away good things from it.

 

But, not a church which I would choose as my own, and that is not the reason I was there, just visiting my niece and going to church with her.

It was a good day. 

 

Reading

Reading Ian Fleming 007 books ... Started with You Only Live Twice and now Diamonds Are Forever. Have to say books are so much better than movies. I love 007 movies. Let me say again I love 007 movies. Watch them over and over. You only live twice was only "loosely" based on book. Which kind of disappointed me but probably made me enjoy the book better. 

Did you know Ian Fleming wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?  I didn't.  I may have to read it next. Love that movie too. 

By the way ... By reading I mean listening  love my audio book app!  Overdrive  free rentals through local library   Technology rocks!

Meanwhile I am still reaching for my phone every afternoon to call my mom and still feel a very keen emptiness on Monday nights. Miss her so much. 

Til later ......

Airway surgery.

AIRWAY SURGERY

 

 

I had one more of these horrid surgeries on January 8.  This time in office, with only some numbing agent spray into my nose, vocal chords and airway.  All of which wore off before this experience was over.  

 

They lasered cuts into my airway, a procedure which is very hot, temp hot, not cool hot.

 

They start with spraying a numbing agent into my nose, then they insert this hose into my nose and work down toward my vocal chords and then they start inserting more numbing agent into me via the hose, all while I am saying "eeeeeeeeeeeeee" over and over - it helps to numb the chords especially if you can make the chords vibrate like gargling kinda …  then once my chords are numb, the surgeon came in, pushed the hose on down past the chords into my airway, found the trouble spot and had his assistant – a “fellow” – medical term -  to insert the laser down through the hose to the trouble spot and then proceeded to burn strips into my trachea.  I am watching all of this on video as there is a big flat screen TV directly across from my patient seat and one above my head for the surgeon.

 

Gary is with me on this appointment – thank goodness.   About halfway through all of this procedure, I start having anxiety, cough, sweating – well, the sweating actually started as soon as the numbing agent was given to me, because I know what is coming next.  But now I can feel the heat of the laser in my neck, my anxiety is making me feel like I can’t breath, and Dr. C is having to stop and assure me I can breath, just to calm down its alright.  I ask for Gary to come by me and he stands there and holds my hand through the remaining part of this procedure  - can I say right now that I love that man!  I manage to choke out at this point, maybe I should have been given a little something to help me to be calm.  Duh!  He apologizes because he thought I was, but now he is too far in and just needs a little more time, so he give me more numbing agent, and back in he goes, finally, after he starts his second cut, I let him know I can feel the heat, and I can, it is very uncomfortable, but not unbearable yet, so back in he goes and within minutes the pain from the heat is too much and I have to ask him to stop.  He wanted to get 3 cuts done, but only gets two.  Thinking now, yay, its over, he says just a few steroid shots and we will be done.  Those are the worst, because I can feel every single injection he gives me and there are several  - I want to break down and cry so bad.  

 

I think I wore the doctor out, the room is so hot that they had to open the doors to let some air circulate, that is from the laser – it get very hot!  I had on a sweater dress, leggings, knee boots – it was cold outside …  I sweated through all of it and had no make up on by the end of this torture … But thank goodness it is over.  Took 2 hours.

 

And, even though it was horrible, I would do it again, if it kept me out of the hospital.

 

And, I can breath a whole lot better now.

 

Maybe I’m not such of weanie after all.

 

 

 But next time I get Valium.

Is it Christmas yet?

Is it Christmas yet?  Please let me know, because I am pretty sure I missed Thanksgiving and I really don't want to miss Christmas.   I want to enjoy getting down my Christmas ornaments and putting up the tree, remembering with fondness where and when I either purchased or received or made each special ornament as I hang it on the tree, or the other decorations which have been wrapped so carefully in tissue paper and bubble wrap for the past twelve month.  I want to enjoy the twinkle of lights, the beautiful Christmas music, see the "happy" shoppers out happily selecting each purchase with care.  I want to enjoy the church services, that are so special at this time of the year as they follow the story of the birth of our savior.  I want to enjoy a Christmas play and maybe a cantata or some other special Christmas programs.  So, please don't let me miss it, okay?
 
That is how I feel today.  Its January 3, my Christmas tree is still up, all the decorations are still sitting around my home, but somehow I feel like I've missed the whole season.   I know I have had Christmas celebrations with friends and family, I received beautiful thoughtful presents from friends and family.  I listened to Christmas music.    But yet, it still seems like I missed the entire holiday.

I haven't been to church in a really long time.

I lost my mom over a month ago, and I feel like I have been semi sleep walking through life since then.

I read devotion today.   ... Don't give God your leftovers .... give God your first fruits  of attention ... God needs to be your priority in everything you do  ... from getting dressed to setting your schedule ... intermingle your time with God, to such a degree that you can pray without ceasing ...even ordinary events will become sacred because He will be involved in them.   As I read this devotion, memories of my mother were brought to my mind ....  hearing her pray during the night when we were in bed going to sleep ...  hearing her praying as she lay in the hospital after she broke her hip ... waking up praying, in pain praying, in praise praying, in the nursing home when she was in such misery  ... praying.  She called me one time because she couldn't find something, I didn't hear the call, so she left a voice mail and she thought she had hung up, but she hadn't, and she started praying, as she was looking for the lost item, that God would lead her to it,  ...  I don't mean to put my mom up on a pedestal, but my mother was awesome.  She loved with God's love, she prayed without ceasing and she was a wonderful mother.  I want to be like her.

I lost her on November 17, 2014 at 4:40 AM.    I sat in the hospital room with her and held onto her as she breathed he last breaths, I didn't want to lose her, but I knew she was ready to go home with our Lord, I wasn't praying for God to save her, I was praying for God to be merciful and take her home.  She had 3 major brain bleeds, we were told she most likely would not survive a surgery and even if she did, she would be on life support and never get off of it.  We couldn't ask that she go through that.  So we let her go and prayed that God be merciful and not let her suffer.  We arrived at the hospital at 11 PM and she passed away at 4:40 AM  He answered our prayers.  But oh how I missed her. 

I know where the saying "crying a river of tears" comes from, because the tears come so easily.  I don't cry for her, I cry for me.

I miss my mother. 

That's all.